Yes, I've read Twilight and yes the first book was worth the two hours I gave it to escape life for a little while and remember that romance is important and oh so much fun. It did not inspire me in any way to be a better person. No, the saga is not life changing nor can I find anything in there that explains why it is as popular as it is.
And here's my bone to pick...
Sitting at lunch the other day I overheard this phrase from two girls sitting next to us. "And then she said to me 'If I can't find Edward, I'm not getting married.'"
Here is why you will never find Edward. (And why you should probably not get married until you change the way you think.)
1. He's a vampire. Vampires aren't real. (Duh.)
2. Edward is perfect and no one is perfect. Is there anything wrong with him (except that he might have a complex to save needy girls)? He's totally rich, totally handsome, completely selfless, has super strength, never needs to eat or sleep or get sick so he can spend all his time looking at Bella, doesn't even swear when he stubs his toe... (and he probably never comes home late from work or sleeps through the baby's 2am feeding)
What does it say about us that as women we look for "salvation" in romance? In high school I used to steal my mom's romance books and read them all the time, even at girls' camp. They are so unrealistic about how relationships work and yet so dangerously enticing about how healing romance is that it's so easy to think this is how things should be.
But that's not how things should be. Marriage is about two imperfect people who trust each other enough to make a covenant that they'll continue to trust each other no matter what other options come along or how their feelings might change. Love is a really important component of marriage, but trust is so much more the factor of what will make it work or not work. Love is emotional and messy and changes and has all kinds of weirdness attached to it. Trust is what you choose when you've misplaced that love momentarily. (Or your kids' tantrums destroyed it, or the lack of money in the bank account squashed it, or the lawn being unmowed for the fourth Saturday in a row burned it)
Marriage is not about 24/7 romance. Romance is one healing and wonderful component of marriage, like a drug. But romance changes after marriage. Dating this other person automatically makes you feel like you're taking happy pills. You think "I like you be with you because you make me feel this way." After you get married and life settles in it's easy to think, "What's wrong with you. You don't make me feel like that anymore." Because in marriage it's YOUR job to make the other person feel good and it doesn't come automatically anymore. You have to look past things that bother you; you have to forget stupid things he's said and done. And you have to bridle your need to control. And frankly, it's pretty impossible to be that selfless all the time. So thinking that you'll never get married until you find someone who has completely mastered the self while you remain humanly selfish is frankly, idiotic. And is only going to cause some serious disappointment from some very unrealistic expectations.
It honestly bothers me a little bit that Twilight is so popular. It means that we as women (married or unmarried, tween or pushing 30) don't understand what salvation is. It's Christ's job to save us. Mostly from ourselves. It's messy, sticky work because who wants to be confronted with their weaknesses and sins and have to overcome them instead of ignoring them or blaming others? We all want to be loved perfectly, despite our faults, but we're never going to find that in a man. We especially shouldn't when we ourselves can't do it. Romance is this gift God gives to recharge our batteries and remember how sweet life can be. It is not a state of being. Nor should it be because that's not why we came to earth. We came to learn how to love, not just be loved. If we're looking for that kind of love in romance, it means we're not as close to the Savior as we could be. Because he freely gives the kind of love we seek, but receiving it takes some serious dedication to his commandments of reading and praying. Not just mindlessly reading and praying, but consistently and honestly opening our hearts to him and letting go of our fears. I don't speak spirit and tuning out the world inside my head strong enough to listen to His voice is the hardest work I've ever done in this life. And the most rewarding.
If you want to read a book that inspires you to cultivate the kind of love that really changes the world, read "My Grandfather's Blessing." I would be thrilled to see t-shirts and movies and blogs and all kinds of merchandise touting that title. It would mean we're getting it.
11 comments:
That was beautiful, Lizza.
I could not agree more. You summed up exactly my feelings on marriage and Twilight. I love you!
Thank you! I read/listened to the books and was pretty annoyed by how shallow they make a relationship seem. It's good to see I'm not alone.
did you read the rest of the series? i would agree that its not the right place to find salvation(i read the whole series in a few days while on bedrest) but i thought the fourth book allowed bella to come into her own and do a little saving for once. also, i had some weird thoughts on this series that it should only be for married people . . . i thought the books got a little steamy for being such popular teenage reads . . . but maybe that's my prudish side coming out.
anyway, i agree with all the reality stuff you posted. i reconciled it with the books to think that even when i'm not perfectly happy in my marriage that if i do what's right and endure and try to be better that someday that perfect happiness will be attainable.
too bad we don't live closer! i miss you!
b
wow- that was good to read- I even needed to read it. I think I am too hard on robert sometimes because I expect to live in a state of Euphoria and love but life isn't that way-- but if we knew how hard it would be would we even venture to get married?? Did we really know that we would be wiping poo and pee and vacumming and washing until our fingers fall off???? Good thing for the intense feelings when we are dating and good thing for those sparks of romance that recharge us and keep us happy during marrigae. I still am the only person on the utah planet who has not read the series so maybe I shouldn't start.
I haven't read them, but I know agree that romance changes after marriage, it doesn't go away unless you make it, but it changes big time. My biggest thought on this is that if we didn't have struggles and less than friendly times in our marriage, how would we know when it is awesome and we feel in sync and in love, if it were like that all the time, we wouldn't know how good it was.
Thanks for reminding me why it's not so bad to still be single. :)
Amen
In Young Women they had you make this list of all the qualities you wanted in a husband, and then they told you that some where some man was keeping himself clean and pure for you and you should do the same for him.
When I was 25 I remembered those lessons and couldn't believe my leaders would feed young impressionable minds such horse sh*%.
I have had many arguments about why the Twilight series is possibly one of the worst series you could have a young girl read. You highlighted one fabulous aspect.
With so many memorable heroines in literature I hate to think girls would identify with a woman who's greatest achievement and aspiration is to marry the 'perfect' man.
Anne of Green Gables would kick Bella's A** (not to mention Scarlette O'hara- I'd take Rhett Buttler or Gilbert Blythe over Edward any day)
I thought I and my good friend were alone in our distaste for Twilight (we're certanly the only two LDS women I know of that loathe what the series represents) glad to hear there is another.
Thanks, Lizza. You are right, and you expressed it beautifully. What would a marriage be if not a covenant to love and trust even when things are not perfect? That's the whole point of making a commitment.
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