Breathing

I just got home from a weekend trip to Tetonia to visit Jared's sister and Mom. (We had a total blast and I miss you guys terribly!!) I always love going to Idaho because driving through nothing relaxes my mind. I don't realize that living in a man-made place filled with neon signs, billboards for things I don't need, and constant traffic of people, cars and buildings wears on my brain and my soul. I hate coming home and reaching Ogden; that's when the mess starts again and I realize how much I love being surrounded by nothing.

I had this epiphany coming home. We always talk about not being idle (especially in the church). Idleness is on the super bad sin list. We don't like idleness even as non-religious Americans. We love to be super busy from morning to the wee hours of the morning. It means we're productive and being productive brings happiness, right? Pretty much every day is filled with me running around getting "stuff" done but at the end of the day I can't remember anything I did even though it was SO important to get done TODAY. And I'm always pushing away this guilt when I take a moment to chill. Because the kitchen still needs to be cleaned and the laundry isn't folded and I still haven't done my visiting teaching.

But when a car is idle, its engine is running but it's not going anywhere. I feel like that so many times. My engine is running but I'm not going anywhere. My days aren't spent pursuing my dreams and goals, just putting out fires. This thought has inspired me to rearrange some things in my life, to make sure that when my engine is on, it's moving me in a direction I want to go.