Christmas magic

I'm not sure what happens when night comes and the room is lit only with Christmas tree lights. It's like magic. Those lights open a portal when the tree goes from a plastic, imitation symbol with cheap ornaments to a place of peace and possibility and memory. I've been spending my December nights huddled on the couch watching this tree and connecting with this place. Sometimes I read, sometimes I drink tea, sometimes I talk with Jared, and sometimes I just sit. It's been a wonderful month. I see things more clearly. I see my life for what it is and what it can be. I see my fears, the things I don't want to hold onto, but for some reason can't let go of just yet. I see my eternity, who I was before I came here and who I'm going to be when I can learn to let go of those fears and become my power. I see my children's eternity and turn grateful for their willingness to be mothered by an imperfect being when they were mothered and fathered for eons of time by perfect beings. I see them carving out a new path of purpose, shedding the false traditions our family has continued through the generations. I see my husband's eternity. I see his masculine power coupled with a sensitive grace. I see the two of us connecting with an electric force and creating universes forever. I see the Savior, the embodiment of everything that is whole and pure and sacred. I feel His strength and His mercy. I sense His desire for me to become more than I am, to trust Him with all of me and not just some of me. I see His willingness to transform me through the power of His sacrifice, to heal parts of me I pretend are already whole, to give perspective to histories where I can find no meaning. I sense the sacred, when the room shifts and my angels come and sit next to me, whispering courage and understanding. Sometimes their voices are louder than those other voices I hear. The voices of stress and shame and failure. When my Christmas tree is on, I don't listen to my mistakes and my to-do list. I hear the voice of God and give thanks for the birth of His Son.

My prayer is that you find your tree this Christmas.